WARNING: If swearing offends you, especially the use of the “F” word, this post is not for you, so please scroll past.
For the past 2 weeks I’ve been suicidal again. Unfortunately I’ve been here many times before, so I’m very familiar with how my spiral downwards plays out. Last Thursday, as soon as the Dr surgery opened at 8am, I started calling to get an appointment. I eventually got through to the receptionist at 10.30am. 2.5 hours/62 call attempts later, I get through and say that I need to speak to a Dr. Her immediate response was:
“All the appointments are booked, call back tomorrow between 8-10am.” I replied “I have called 62 times between 8am and now, and only just got through. I need to speak to a Dr, I’m having suicidal thoughts.”
“We’ve been busy, call back tomorrow between 8-10am *puts phone down*
Excuse me?!?!
Calling back on Friday did not happen. I was too overwhelmed and unstable to be able to deal with that again, so I pushed on through the weekend, set and early alarm for this morning, and started again. This time I got in 66 calls before the 10am cut off. I couldn’t hack it any more, so called the out of hours emergency number. For them I was only on hold for a few minutes, but he turned out to be just as “helpful”. I explained the situation, that I was trying to get hold of my GP as I’ve spent the last 2 weeks having suicidal thoughts so my meds need adjusting. I explained my current personal circumstances, and what I have going on at the minute, and his exact response was……..
Him: “Do you self harm?”
Me: “Not right now but I have a history of it. I’ve not self harmed for 6 months, but I’ve been struggling not to.”
Him: “Well, you’ll just have to persevere with trying to get hold of your GP. If you self harm, call us back. Bye.“ *Ends call*
What the actual FUCK kind of crisis support is that?!?! I’ll just go get a knife and start cutting again, shall I?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
The Broken Butterfly 