For my American friends, for the purpose of this story, you need to know that Tesco is one of our larger grocery store chains, and that “Super Noodles” are Ramen.
Tesco happens to be my closest grocery store. At a smidgen under a mile away, it is the only superstore in walkable distance, and the walk just happens to take you along the river, which also happens to be my favourite place to walk. This morning, as I usually do, I checked the weather forecast. Just because you wake up to blue skies, you can’t trust that it’s going to stay that way. This is Scotland after all, a country renowned for the amount of rain it gets. I was hard to imagine when looking out at such gorgeous blue skies, that there were showers predicted for ALL day. Sure enough, by the time I’d finished my cup of coffee, the grey clouds started rolling in, and the wind started picking up. Accuweather informed me that it was 20mph with 34mph gusts. That may not sound too much to you, but when you have a spinal cord injury which means you have no core strength, it would be like attempting to walk into a tornado, to me. So, I spend the morning thinking about the bits of shopping that I needed to get, whilst simultaneously glowering out of the window at the sky. It debated whether to brave the wind and possibly end up looking like a drowned rat, or witing to see if the wind died down, but would then be risking the chance of being out during a rain shower even more likely. This internal debate when on ALL morning. Eventually, around about noon, I bit the bullet and decided to go. I got ready, made sure my shopping bags were in my backpack, had my coat on, and looked out of the window……..int he time it took me to put my trainers on, it decided to start raining. So off all my outerwear went, while I waited it out. About an hour later we finally had a blue sky, so I donned my gear again and off I went. The wind wasn’t all that bad as I walked to the end of my cobblestone street, even walking across the green, one of the oldest green spaces here, I wasn’t being blown about all that much……… And then I got onto the path alongside the river! The wind coming off the river was immense! Everyone was being blown about, so we looked like a bunch of drunken toddlers trying to walk along, but the hilarious thing was that the notorious seagulls were being blown all over the place too!! I ended up almost doubled over laughing hysterically at one point, as a seagull missed hitting the lady in front of me’s head by just a fraction of an inch! Just a few minutes after that, I made it safely to Tesco. Now, I am the type of person who HAS to follow rules, so whilst everyone else is going up and down the aisles willy nilly, I HAVE to follow the arrows on the floor, guiding you up and down the aisles. I grab the fresh produce, juice, and yoghurts that I needed…..and then it was time for what has been a complete mystery to me over the last few visits. I have been walking up and down the aisles, eyes peeled, and not a single pack of ramen could be found. Not only could they not be found, there wasn’t even a space for them, suggesting that they were just out of stock whenever I visited. I looked by the pasta and dry egg noodles. I looked by the rice. I scoured every inch of the dry foods section and nothing, so today, I finally plucked up the courage to ask a member of staff. It went like this:
“Me: “Excuse me, I’m probably just being a bit thick, but I’ve been wandering up and down these aisles….could you tell me where you’ve hidden the Super Noodles, please?”
Him: “Certainly…..They’re in the last aisle, aisle 20”
me: “Thank you ever so much!” *Walks off towards aisle 20*
I look up at the hanging sign above aisle 20, and it said, “20 Cereal”
Cereal?! Sodding cereal?! Who in their right mind decided that it was logical to put the super noodles, pot noodles and instant pasta in the cereal aisle?!?! Especially without listing it on the hanging sign, telling you that it was there?! Besides this one very small section, the rest of the aisle was ALL breakfast cereals, on BOTH sides!! I don’t ever go down the cereal aisle, I’m gluten intolerant so I pretty much avoid the stuff like the plague…..I save myself for important things like pasta and pastry. They are worth the pain, bloating, and cramps. Cereal is not. I want to know WHO woke up one day and had a lightbulb above the head moment, and said “Aha!! I know where we will put those noodly foods. We’ll put them with the breakfast cereal. Seems like a logical place, everyone eats noodles for breakfast. Fancy all these other shops wasting precious space for them in places like the PASTA aisle. No one would EVER think to look for them there!”
I’m glad I finally solved the mystery of where the hidden noodles are……..it’s was worth being blown all the way home like the nannies were blown along Cherry Tree Lane in Mary Poppins.
The End.
The Broken Butterfly 